


don't bother looking down (we're not going that way)

by cassiecasyl



Series: October Prompts 2020 [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Autumn, Canon Related, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Humanity (Supernatural), Depressed Castiel (Supernatural), Epic Love, Hopeful Ending, I mean... kinda?, M/M, Melancholy, Metaphors, Nature, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Poetic, Prompt Fill, References to Canon, References to Twist and Shout - gabriel & standbyme, Sorry Not Sorry, Suptober 2020 (Supernatural), idk how to tag this, ik i'm late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28978707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiecasyl/pseuds/cassiecasyl
Summary: Castiel watches the leaves dance, hoping they will spark some emotion. Trapped under the icy grip of his grace, there's only one thing that provides enough warmth to melt it.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: October Prompts 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954552
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	don't bother looking down (we're not going that way)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic for starrynightdeancas's [2k follower celebration](https://starrynightdeancas.tumblr.com/post/640512697270747136/the-time-has-finally-arrived-here-to-announce-the) on tumblr!! The prompt was "Beach" and I decided to combine it with Day 17 of Suptober 2020 "Autumn Invading" 
> 
> title is taken from [we fell in love in october](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iggmiF7DNoM) by girl in red

Cold wind swirled through the trees’s crowns, ruffling their hair and taking some leaves. They rose in momentary cheer, dancing and spinning through the air, but eventually, they all fell down. Soon enough, grey feathers joined them on the dancefloor, adding a contrast to chaos of mostly red and orange. 

Castiel rustled his wings to get more into the mix, hoping the wonder of their play would spark some emotion. A sad smile adorned his features, slowly dying. He didn’t feel it. Ever since he regained his grace, he missed those little things that made him _him_. It was numbed to humanity, trapped under the freezing power of his mojo. 

A feather took a red leaf as its partner and they circled each other as they danced, always reaching out yet never quite touching. It would be heart-breaking to watch, if Castiel still needed his empty vessel’s heart. The plume was the first to fall, ashes from a fire, never to be the same again. The angel felt a tinge in his heart, still humanly beating. The leaf rose once more in an angry outcry before crumbling to the floor. 

Castiel looked away, out onto the water that was nibbling at the little sliver of sand that’s barely a beach anymore. He had neglected to realize that this strange melancholy was a feeling in of itself, something to lead him home. His smile awoke a little. 

Dean had taken the case in the nearby town because of its proximity to the coastline. They’d never been at the beach, he said in rare excitement. It was almost addicting to see Dean this happy. He deserved it. Cas looked up as the sun waved its goodbye in the background, painting the sky in blazing colors. He smiled as his eyes found a hunch of green in it. _Dean_. 

The sun’s rays screamed wordlessly like the arms overblown by the most peculiar soul he’s ever encountered, and Castiel laced his fingers into theirs, pulling them away from hellfire, holding them tightly as they fled and flew, and he was filled with something new. The angel had screamed it out, the warmth too grand to be kept inside. 

_Dean Winchester is saved_. The words still rang on his tongue after all these years. It was the one thing he would never regret. The warmth it had spawned within him melted the effects of his icy grace, burning him with something that was so inherently _human_. His eyes could’ve spilled warm sparks rather than light blue ones as the first stars greeted him.

 _Dean_. The human to break through heavenly control and wreck his already cracked reputation. _Dean_. The righteous man filled with so much love, but it came out in anger, guilt, rejected sadness. _Dean_. Happiness crawled up Cas’s cheeks, an uncommon sight. _Dean_ , he thought, unspoken words heavy on his tongue. 

_I love you_. 

Crash.

At the same time as the waves attacked a nearby bolder, a branch cracked behind him. Castiel turned around, muscles tense and blade ready to drop if needed. His eyes darkened as he checked the nearby trees. Only when he recognized a familiar silhouette did he relax. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, stepping closer. “What are you doing here?”

Cas shrugged and gazed back at the sea. “Watching the sunset,” he replied. The sky’s last flames caught in Dean’s eyes, and the angel couldn’t help but stare and admire how much more beautiful the firmament would be if it were green instead of blue. 

“You just up and disappeared, man.” A nervous chuckle failed at concealing his concern. “I was worried,” Dean admitted. 

“I…,” Cas started, “I just needed some time to think.” 

Dean measured him in a glare that only softened as their eyes met. “Are you alright?”

Cas returned his stare and considered his answer. The sun had risen again in front of him, and he bathed in his warmth, letting hesitant emotion be his guiding light. Wanting to take it all in, he stepped closer, almost reaching out to touch him - _Cas, we’ve talked about this_ \- and Dean remained still throughout all of it. Then, in a heartbeat, he looked down, the lively green suddenly hidden. The fire latched out at him, burning and scorching the angel with unbelievably human wounds. 

“I’m okay,” he confirmed, ignoring the way Dean had left countless scars all over him. Here, standing next to the human who was his downfall, he _felt_ complete. _I love you._

“Good,” Dean answered with a lopsided grin and took off his shoes. Castiel questioned him by tilting his head. “Because now that we’re here, we’re not gonna leave without feeling the sand between our toes. Come on!” He ran the short distance to what was more of a sorry excuse for a beach and Cas followed, entranced. 

They buried their feet in the sand, leaving Castiel to wonder. The tiny rocks scraped at his skin, carrying dead cells away to their graves. Maybe, they’d begin a journey through the wide sea now that they were done serving his vessel. 

Next to him, Dean bowed down towards the water only to be surprised by an oncoming wave. He almost jumped away but was caught by the sand. Cas raised his eyebrows. “Cold?” he teased. Dean retaliated by splashing water his way. 

“Icy.” 

Cas slowly let his hand wander to Dean, who was shivering, hoping to provide some warmth. “We should go back,” he said. “You’re gonna catch a cold.” 

Dean shook his head without looking at him. “I’ve got you. Let’s stay just a little longer.” He pleaded with a hopeful smile and Cas knew he was smitten. 

They sat under the stars, looking up at heroes, beasts and lovers long gone, but none of them were quite as star-crossed as they were. Cas carefully wrapped his arm around Dean, followed by his wings. Grace sparked on his fingertips, swirling out into the air to keep his love warm. For a while, all was well. 

Then, Dean shook Cas’s arm off his shoulder and it followed gravity, hanging down uselessly. Cold hurt washed off into numbness and Cas glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eyes. He was looking down, slightly shaking his head, forcefully leaning away from him. Castiel looked the opposite way as a flaming dagger twisted in his heart. He was back to being a star orbiting its sun, never quite sure whether it returned the favor, but doomed to one day collide. Whether it would leave them in dust or together as one, it was the way they were bound to take. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me so much serotonin so please consider leaving one!! 
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](https://cassiecasyl.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
